Anxiety

“Anxiety fucks me awake every morning.
 I’m not strong enough to say no.
Anxiety fucks me awake every morning.
 You would feel it pulling down the covers 
and hold me close saying “it’s okay, it’s okay” 
you would push my hair back and kiss my forehead 
“it’s okay, it’s okay.”
I told you I’d always leave the light on for you.
 And when the porch light busted, I sat outside with a flashlight.
Anxiety told me you weren’t coming home.
 But you did and you told me “it’s okay. it’s okay”
You used to think it was sweet that I worried about you,
 you said it made you feel comforted to know someone
 would notice if you went missing.
 But one night the clock struck 4am without you next to me.
 The porch light busted and I went to bed.
 You stopped telling me “it’s okay, it’s okay”
 I stopped waiting for your headlights to shine through the window.
Anxiety.
 My bittersweet friend.
 My closest friend. 
I still worry about you sometimes 
and drift to sleep waiting to hear your key in the door
 but you don’t know where my front porch is anymore. I worry that she doesn’t worry about you.
 Would she notice if you went missing?
 Would she notice if you went missing?”
Because one day you went missing 
and I noticed.
 But you didn’t want to be found.


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