I am tired. I am in pain. I am hurt. I am so so fucking mad at you for taking this relationship, this gloriously beautiful little sprouting seed of a relationship and crushing it between your vile unthoughtful hands. I would like to shove your brain into my heart so you can feel the piercing fucking shards that you have skillfully dug out from their dusty shelves. I have very very old pain, the very same pain you’ve been spilling all over me and it’s like kerosene and when I’m angry I am fire and I am sparks and there’s never anyone to stop these meetings that always, always lead to badly timed and ill hid implosions.
I’m tired of burning for you.
And fuck you for telling me I don’t care, I care so much I’ve always cared so FUCKING GODDAM MUCH it’s like I want to kill myself every morning when I wake up and see the fucking face that I love, the nose and the lips and the dimples and I want to smash it into the ground because how can something I love so much betray me like this?? How can I keep choosing to love over and over again and have you be the same person I’ve always known and yearned for and detested? When will karma spit me out of her mouth; when will my blood lend me a hand? I’ve always felt slippery and thought maybe it was because Im losing so much crimson. It wraps me up like a cloak – can’t I run away now? But that’s not it, I’m slippery like a fish, I slip through your fingers so fast you don’t even blink before you run for another.
You dug your disgusting fingers into my achilles heel and left me bleeding and you want to stick this peace offering of a band aid you’ve given me over it and have it be done with well it’s not done with. It’s not!