I am too weak to stand feeling what it is that I feel.
I would like to lie down, and for once
Feel nothing at all.
Maybe I am less of a woman, to some, for acknowledging that I am a woman – and as such feel things only women may experience.
Maybe I am less of a women, to many, for refusing to pour myself into a mold, fit only for creating mothers, and virgins, and whores.
For I am none and all of these.
I am less of a woman, but no less of a human, for a self admittance of the ignorance and of the irresponsibility of forsaking a divine task – set by women for woman and carried on by women.
I am not strong enough to carry the weight of a grief so profound in my chest, however, I will carry it with pride as long as I can do so.
I will wave a flag of surrender, I will lay down my arms, I will forsake those I should never have forsaken.
Please numb me, I am not strong enough for the life I have been fated.
Oh to be simple, and dumb, but happy.
Oh to be unaware but also unimportant.
I would like to lie down, and for once, feel nothing.
Nothing at all.